Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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