sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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