So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
