she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My hand turned me down
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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