are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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