SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
