forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
