Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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