So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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