note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
