Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I cockslap morals
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
