I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
