i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
