just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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