John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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