Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
