If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
