MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
