I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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