Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
