My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
