I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
