Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
