I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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