yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
