I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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