I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
