I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
