so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
