Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
