i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
