Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
