when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jerry, you need to find god
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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