you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
