tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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