i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
