i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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