i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
