Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
