Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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