I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
