1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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