I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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