This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
