Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
