Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
