I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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