Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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