ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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