another moral hangover. fuck.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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