just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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