tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
