we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
