But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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