There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
