Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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