she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize