I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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