its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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