I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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