Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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