i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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