When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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