i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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