Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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