talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
