so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
