Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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