I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
