If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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