I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
