she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
